GLEE SEASON THREE WISHLIST: I want Kurt and Blaine to have Econ together and for the teacher to give one of those assignments where you have to “marry” one of your classmates and then make a budget and all that jazz.
And then I want this song to be sung.
And then I want to cry with happiness.
this just made me think that if someone hasn’t already written a fic where kurt and blaine have to take care of an egg or baby doll for class then IT IS A CRIME TO FANDOM. because that shit would be hilarious.
as far as i know, it hasn’t been done yet. the possibilities…they are endless. (i have never bemoaned my lack of writing skills as much as i have with kurt and blaine. i want to write ALL THE STORIES.)
Holy crap, this is brilliant! Why has nobody done this yet? (Note: This isn’t really edited, so I apologize in advance for whatever clunkiness/grammatical incorrectness lies below.)
Kurt and Blaine taking care of an egg would be comical! Or better yet, one of those electronic baby dolls that cries and shit when it needs stuff. And of course Kurt would be all prim and proper and set up a schedule, planning everything to the minutest detail. And then he would try and micromanage Blaine, telling him exactly what to do, because Kurt thinks Blaine is being too lackadaisical. And then one day when Blaine shows up to Kurt’s house after Mathletes practice (because of course Blaine joins too many extracurricular activities after transferring to McKinley), Kurt just shoves the baby into Blaine’s arms with a harried look on his face. And Kurt is like, “TAKE. THIS. BABY. He will NOT shut up for anything. I tried bouncing him and he cried! I tried feeding him and he cried! I tried changing his diaper and he cried! I tried every damn thing and he cried! That demon baby has been crying for 2 hours straight. I canNOT take it any more!”
And then Blaine casually rests the baby on his shoulder and burps him, immediately stopping the crying and smirks, “I thought you insisted we call him Marten,” referring to the discussion they had where Kurt decided to name the baby after his favorite shoes because he doesn’t take care of anything better than he does his shoes, and Kurt just looks at him, still with that crazed expression in his eyes.
“Yeah, well that was before Demon Baby started his rebellion against common sense.”
“Kurt, it’s an electronic toy, not a sentient being. It’s physically unable to have common sense.”
“Whatever, I’m calling it Demon Baby from now on.”
And then Finn walks out of his room and says, “Dude, thank you for shutting that thing up. It’s crying was about to make my baby start crying.”
And then Blaine asks, “Why didn’t you just help Kurt quiet our baby?”
“I tried! But Kurt just yelled at me to go away and slammed his door in my face. So I put little Johnny Unitas Jr. here under a pillow so he wouldn’t hear your baby sceaming.”
And then Kurt pulls a look and says, “You can’t just DO that, Finn. That’ll suffocate him!”
“It shut him up, didn’t it? Plus, it’s just a dumb electronic toy anyway. Nobody will know.”
And Blaine looks at Kurt with a bit of triumph in his eyes. Kurt just stomps upstairs back to his room.
And then two days later when it’s Kurt’s turn to take care of the baby again, Blaine shows up and Kurt opens the door to a quiet house with a cheshire cat grin on his face.
Blaine quirks his face upward listening for the telltale crying he’d become accustomed to when he came over to Kurt’s. ”Where’s Demon Baby?” And then with mock horror, “Don’t tell me an evil spirit possessed him and you had to kill him lest he terrorize your whole family with his piercing screams, before he made their ears bleed leading to their untimely deaths!”
“Don’t be silly. I simply learned how to control Marten’s behavior.” And Kurt produces a 9-volt battery out of his back pocket. ”Who knew taking care of babies was as simple as finding an allen wrench small enough to unscrew its backside and take the battery out?”
“I don’t think that’s exactly how it works, Kurt,” Blaine replies, his eyes smiling with amusement.
“I know that, but that’s why I have you around,” Kurt reasons. ”We work perfectly together. I’ll decorate our baby’s nursery and dress him impeccably and you can change his diaper and feed him and do all that kind of stuff.”
“Hey, why do I get all the dirty work?”
“Because you’re so good at it? Besides, all the mothers will love you when you take our kid to the park.”
“But I don’t care about all those mothers.” Blaine steps closer and wraps his arms around Kurt, kissing him chastely but languidly. “I only care about you.” And it should be weird that they’re talking about their future. Their future with their imaginary baby. Their future with their imaginary baby years from now where they’re still together. It should be weird because they’re still teenagers right now, and have been together for less than a year. But it seems so right to be talking about this. Because even though they’re still new, it also seems inevitable that they’ll always be together. They’re teenagers and their relationship is invincible.
Kurt pulls back a bit to look Blaine in the eye, though still staying in his embrace. ”Well how about because,” he pecks Blaine on the lips as the music starts, “you’re,” another peck, “my,” peck, “hero,” peck. Then Kurt starts singing this song to Blaine.
Grand pianos crash together when my boy walks down the street
There are whole new kinds of weather when he walks with his new beat
Everyone sings hallelujah when my boy walks down the street
Life just kind of dances through ya from your smile down to your feet
Kurt’s leading Blaine around his house and they’re playfully flirting off of each other around the couch and kitchen counter before Kurt leads Blaine outside to the street. Blaine joins in and harmonizes the next lines.
Amazing he’s a whole new form of life
Blue eyes blazing and he’s going to be my wife
They dance around light poles and bus benches, Blaine chasing after Kurt’s lips, trying to steal a kiss before Kurt runs off again. They trade off the next lines of the song.
Blaine: The world does the hula-hula when my boy walks down the street
Kurt: Everyone thinks he’s Petula so big and yet so petite
Together: Butterflies turn into people when my boy walks down the street
Maybe he should be illegal he just makes life too complete…
Kurt: Amazing he’s a whole new form of life
Blaine: Blue eyes blazing and he’s going to be my wife
Kurt ducks into a wooded thicket at the edge of a park as they continue alternating the next lines:
Oh, shadows of echoes of memories
Oh, things that he brings that he found in the sea
Oh, shadows of echoes of memories of songs
Oh, how could he know that it won’t be long…
Kurt is giggling and and hiding behind trees and hopping over brush, balancing his way across a fallen tree trunk, Blaine chasing him the whole way, before leading them back out to a grassy knoll on the main part of the park.
Grand pianos crash together when my boy walks down the street
There are whole new kinds of weather when he walks with his new beat
Everyone sings hallelujah when my boy walks down the street
Life just kind of dances through ya from your smile down to your feet
And then Kurt finally lets Blaine catch him and they collapse onto the grass, breathlessly laughing, chests heaving. Blaine pins Kurt down gently and kisses him, making sure they remain breathless.
